Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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