All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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