The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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