he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My liver just had a heart attack.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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