I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
