her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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