Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize