I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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