if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize