Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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