on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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