You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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