you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize