My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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