Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize