u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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