oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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