we have pet lesbian snakes
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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