2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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