In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I didn't shave. On purpose
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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