I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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