You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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