You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Text me some of your sweat
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