Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
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Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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