end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize