It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize