Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize