Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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