this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
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is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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