I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
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i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I did not marry a roomba.
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