dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How naked do you want me to be?
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