Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
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Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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