my phone needs a breathalizer
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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