You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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