i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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