I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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