You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
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It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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