I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
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...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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