why didn't you poke me back
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize