You're so nebulous sometimes
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize