i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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