pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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