I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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