you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have demons in me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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