i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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