I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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