Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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