Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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