I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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