literally had 100 drinks last night.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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